The Lee Word Side

Here is a short video about the Hubbard Glacier. It was one of the many beautiful places that I saw on my vacation to Alaska. I hope you enjoy it. Click The Image To View The Video

Hubbard Glacier

Ciao

My feelings about Thanksgiving have evolved over the years. When I was much younger I looked forward to Thanksgiving not only because of all the yummy food and the excitement of seeing out-of-town-relatives who magically found their way to our home, but it would also signal the final countdown to my Birthday. In fact, every four years Thanksgiving and my Birthday fall on the same day. When that happened I always felt gypped because the excitement of Thanksgiving always overshadowed my Birthday. Case in point; on my tenth Birthday in all the excitement of the Thanksgiving festivities my Birthday was overlooked, forgotten. I waited all day for someone to wish me a Happy Birthday and give me my gifts, but it just didn’t happen. It wasn’t until the next morning that my mother realized what had happened. In all fairness that was the only time that that happened, but on those years when my Birthday and Thanksgiving collided I was always a little leery; it could bloody well happen again.
During my teen years I avoided family events. I found whatever excuse I could to get out of the house. I would go over to friends’ homes, go to a movie, or just ride my bike around town. It didn’t really matter what I did, it was just important that I get away from my family. I didn’t know why I had to, something inside me told me that I needed to go; so I did. I’m sure that these were rough years for my mother. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to be with the family, why I would choose to hurt her. It never was about hurting people, it was just me being a teenager, trying to find myself.
After I came out and started dating and forming relationships I enjoyed hosting Thanksgiving dinners and I also enjoyed being a guest in the boyfriend-of-the-moment’s house. Being a guest is my favorite role. Putting together a big Thanksgiving dinner is a lot of hard work. Hours upon hours of planning, shopping, cleaning, baking, and cooking results in an all too quickly eaten meal. Very anticlimactic. For the last few years a group of friends and me have been doing a potluck Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone cooks and brings something that they can share with everyone else. That way no one person is stuck doing all the heavy cooking. The first year we did this we had six people participate and it turned out to be a big hit. The next year we had 14 people and each year after that we had more and more people wanting to join us. What started out as a small group of friends getting together for Thanksgiving soon turned into this big production number that quickly became to burdensome. We had people sign-up to bring a dish and they would show up empty handed. We had people sign-up as a single, but show up with last-night’s trick in tow thinking that it wouldn’t be a problem. We had people sign-up and commit to bring the turkey or something else equally as important and not show up. No call to say they weren’t coming, and no follow up email saying “sorry I didn’t come, I was hit by a train,” or some such excuse. Two years ago after a truly disastrous Thanksgiving we original six members decided that we had had-it. The event just got too big and too unmanageable and we wanted out. That was the last year. It’s a shame because what started out so simple and sweet and enjoyable turned into a nightmare. Maybe in a couple of years we can do something again, something that will remain small and intimate. Until then we’re on our own.
This year for Thanksgiving I’ll be busy trying to rundown an electrical problem I’m having with the kitchen lights. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it!

Hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving with your family, friends and loved ones.

Ciao

The Lee Word Side has been under construction for a while and I’m ready to take the wrappers off the new look. There is still a lot of work to be done, but most of it, while important to the functioning of the blog, won’t be as noticeable. The Lee Word Side runs using the Wordpress platform which is fantastic and I couldn’t be happier with it. Recently Wordpress released version 2.3 which included some major changes and improvements over the old version. In order to take advantage of these upgrades I would have to do a lot of work on the blog. One of the nice things about Wordpress is how it operates using themes. Themes are similar to skins, but on steroids. I tried to make the necessary changes to the old theme I was using, to get it up to speed, but my php, css, and xhmtl skills are minimal at best, so I decided to start fresh. I found a new theme that I liked and it was already 2.3 compatible. It has required only a few minor tweaks and it’s up and running. This new theme was designed by Scott Alan Wallick. This is not the first theme that Scott has designed that I’ve used. Two years ago when The Lee Word Side first hit the internet I was using one of his earlier themes. I like his clean and simple approach to designing blog pages.

The next major change that I’m looking at is spinning off the Podcast to it’s own website. How this is going to happen…I’ve no idea. I’m sure I’ll find a way to do it and I will keep you all informed when it’s close to happening. So, that’s what’s been happening around here. I hope you like the changes. Please comment or send me an email to let me know your thoughts.

As always,

Ciao

Several years ago I put in motion a number of events designed to ensure that I would have maximum control of my life, and that all future possibilities of emotional pain would be minimized, if not totally eliminated. I built walls, I burnt bridges, I cut people out of my life. I sidelined myself from life’s game. I did this because I was unable to deal with the emotional roller-coaster that was my life. I had gone through a series of successively failed relationships, never taking the time between each one to reflect and address the problems that lead to the breakup. I just couldn’t face the possibility of another failure. I insulated myself in order to assess my life and find some kind of solution to the problems. Looking back on it now I realize that by removing myself I had very little hope of finding a long-term solution. Because, by removing myself from the problem I had, in fact, effected a solution. Albeit a temporary one. As time went on I became very comfortable in my little world. Nothing was asked of me, no expectations were broken, no one was disappointed or upset with me, I was, by all means, a free man. I had a good life. Months turned into years and what was meant to be a short period of reflection became a life. I was happy most days, free from the entanglements of relationships, carrying on with life, but when things would turn bad I was still free, free to be lonely with no place to turn. Luckily those times were few, in the beginning, but as time went on loneliness and depression were increasingly coloring my days. My life of freedom had enslaved me. I couldn’t get out. I had forgotten how to be with someone. I had forgotten how to share myself, my space, my life. I was the proverbial island.
Today I’m slowly finding my way back to a fuller life, one that will hopefully someday include someone special, but it’s going to be a long road back. One that I’m sure will be full of potholes and bumps, but I will take those over loneliness and depression any day.

Ciao

Podcast number 18 is here: I talk about ENDA, my new 24inch iMac and the new Mac OS 10.5, Leopard. Belated congratulations to Arthur of the AmeriNZ podcast for his 50th show, and to Michael and Kevin of the Q Cast Connection podcast for their 100th show. Happy Birthday to Nik of the NIKINPARIS podcast. The closing music is Get Lost, by Chris Ayer, courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network. Please leave a comment, send me an email, or call the listener hot line at 206.337.0678 to leave a message. Thank you so much for listening.

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